


A Toast

by Anonymous



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gen, Isa Souma - Freeform, The Hawks-era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Isa Souma," Tohri paused, his face contorting in such a way that suggested there was an innumerable list of things he'd rather be doing than saying what he was about to say, "I would like to apologize."
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	A Toast

It was late in the day when Isa saw a flash of color in his peripheral vision. He'd collected himself and got back to work after the earlier interruption, focusing on his usual work and tidying the lab, refusing to let his thoughts wander to the realization that the lab would likely stay tidy this time, with no Doctor Kawara to come through it like a whirlwind of barely contained chaos. No, it  _ would _ stay tidy this time. Isa was likely to be appointed head of LiSciRe, and he would not allow such disorder to befall it, not coming from anyone else. As steadfastly as he ignored that reality, he ignored the much less garishly colored than usual but still noticeable presence at the doorway as well.

"Isa…"

The voice was grating as always, too loud in the quiet lab, but… less so than usual, the tone trying for softness. Isa continued with his work regardless, until Tohri became impatient and placed himself in front of Isa, forcing his attention.

"Isa Souma," Tohri paused, his face contorting in such a way that suggested there was an innumerable list of things he'd rather be doing than saying what he was about to say, "I would like to apologize."

That made Isa look up in earnest. He paid little mind to Nishikikouji generally, thinking of him as little more than a distractingly colored nuisance, but he knew that the other bird carried himself with an amount of pride that made admitting wrongdoing difficult. He said nothing, however, waiting expectantly for Tohri to move out of his way.

Tohri did no such thing, instead continuing to speak. "I was… unnecessarily harsh on you earlier. You should have attended the funeral, but I understand that losing someone you care about is never easy. You may not have been ready for the spectacle of it all yet… You're young. You'll have to grow up soon, learn how to handle these things. Being a department head can take more in the way of social graces than I've seen you display to date. But… you're allowed to mourn as you see fit. I needn't have scolded you for it. I'm sorry."

There was a long moment of silence before Isa spoke. "You're standing in my way."

"You receive an apology - not just any apology, but a sincere, beautiful and artistic apology, from me, Nishikikouji Tohri - and that's all you have to say!?" Tohri huffed dramatically, his great offense obvious.

"You're interrupting my work," Isa replied simply, finally taking the initiative to step around the other researcher and continue with his task.

There was a displeased grumbling, followed by sharp footsteps and the sound of the lab door opening then shutting again with a thud. Isa returned to his work without distraction then, pushing the encounter out of his mind.

Often, Isa worked late, studying specimens and typing notes and reports, working on various experiments. There was little to do right now, though. Dr. Kawara had been gone for over a week before he passed, there were no major experiments up and running in the lab for the time being. It had been and continued to be quiet and uneventful, and there was no sense in staying late tonight. He made sure everything was in order for the next morning and exited the lab, not expecting to run into anyone, much of the building being off for the day in order to attend the funeral. He realized he wouldn’t be so lucky as a flash of almost red caught his vision again. 

"Isa,” Tohri greeted, pushing off the wall near the door where he’d been leaning, as if he’d been waiting for Isa to exit, “...It’s been a long day. Would you like to go out and get a drink?"

Part of Isa wanted to push past him, ignore him as he had on many other occasions, but Tohri had never invited him out anywhere and was rarely this persistent in trying to communicate with him, which gave him some pause. “I’m not old enough to legally consume alcohol yet,” he replied simply.

“Right, well…” The gears turning in Tohri’s head were apparent as he realized that Isa hadn’t given him the blunt no that he’d expected, and he scrambled for something to say. “We’ll go somewhere that won’t matter.”

Isa didn't know what Tohri meant by that, and it intrigued him enough that again he failed to just keep moving past the other researcher. He didn’t actively respond either, causing Tohri to roll his eyes in a needlessly exaggerated fashion.

“Follow me,” he said, “or don’t. But the offer is there.” With that, Tohri began to walk away, only half subtly looking behind himself after a few steps to see if Isa was following, and barely hiding a self-satisfied smirk as Isa did so.

The pair walked out of the building and to the train station, boarding Tohri’s usual evening train to the nearby city where he lived. Neither of them said anything until Tohri stopped in front of an apartment building and punched in the entrance code. “Did you… take me to your home?” Isa asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Where did you think I was taking you? Some shady speak-easy?” Tohri asked with obvious offense to his tone. “The smoke in those places is terrible for the skin, and the lighting is so poor. It’s been years since I let myself be seen in such an unartistic place,” he scoffed under his breath as he held the door open for Isa. “Well, are you coming in or not?” he prompted.

Isa stood for a moment, considering the question. He'd already come this far. He stepped inside the building and let the door shut behind him, following Tohri into the elevator and up to his apartment.

The apartment was somewhat small, and simply furnished, surprisingly so considering it's occupant. "Even being a division head doesn't pay as well as one might like it to," Tohri explained as he watched Isa scrutinizing the main room, "My artistic vision cannot fully touch every facet of my life. Not yet, anyway." He half forced a smile then, gesturing for Isa to sit before disappearing into the kitchen, calling out, "Please, make yourself comfortable. I'll get us drinks."

By the time Tohri returned, Isa had taken a seat, though he was still focused on his surroundings, making mental notes of each choice of furnishing, as if to distract himself from thinking about why he'd allowed himself to come here when he had no good reason to. Once a tray was sat on the low table in front of him, his attention focused to it, observing the two small glasses etched with a fine geometric pattern that were sat upon it, which were soon filled with a dark liquid from a bottle he could not see the label of. 

Tohri joined Isa in sitting and put the bottle on the tray in favor of picking up one of the glasses, waiting for Isa to do the same for an awkwardly long moment before giving in with a small huff and handing the glass to him. "To Doctor Kawara," he said softly, as softly as Isa had ever heard him, anyway, as he raised his glass slightly in a toast.

"To Doctor Kawara," Isa echoed, watching Tohri as he knocked back a significant portion of the liquid in his glass in one go.

That Isa didn't make any move to drink from his own glass didn't go unnoticed, and Tohri scoffed. "It’s fine to drink, I promise."

Isa didn't respond, looking down at his glass and thinking for a moment. He'd really never drank, other than small sips of champagne he was allowed at his parents' parties long before he was Isa Souma, and he wasn't sure he enjoyed those. There was something to be said for unique experiences, though, and he'd already thrown caution to the wind for the evening. He finally raised the glass to his lips and took a swallow, making a face as he forced the liquid down. "That was unpleasant."

"I know," Tohri shrugged, nearly laughing and finishing off the last of his own glass and refilling it, "Have some more, it gets better tasting as you drink more of it." 

"Why do you choose to drink more of it when it isn't pleasant to begin with?" Isa asked, looking at Tohri skeptically.

"You know the effects alcohol has on the brain and various body systems, at least in a textbook sense, Isa," Tohri chuckled, "Some of them can be quite pleasant. Worth the taste of the stuff, at least." 

The look on Isa's face made it clear that he doubted how true that statement was, but he raised his glass to his lips again regardless, drinking the remainder of the liquor in one swallow as quickly as he could manage. He sat the glass down, glaring at it, obviously displeased.

“I can get you something less offensive, if you’d like,” Tohri offered, refilling his own glass as he spoke, “You don’t have to drink. I don't think I have any other liquor; I'm not much of a drinker myself - terrible for the skin - but… tonight seemed like a good night for it.”

Isa watched Tohri have a large sip from his freshly refilled glass and shook his head. “No, this is fine,” he insisted, taking the bottle and pouring himself a fresh glass, steeling himself for another sip.

Tohri politely held back his laugh as he watched Isa's face scrunch in displeasure at his next swallow, shaking his head a bit as he stood and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with some snacks and a pitcher of water, in case Isa changed his mind about continuing with the alcohol.

After he finished his second glass, Isa refilled it once more, but left it sitting on the table, not wanting to outpace his host, who was still mostly sipping at his second glass. In the meantime, he took a cracker from the snack bowl and studied it thoughtfully.

"Souma - may I call you Souma?" Tohri began, before being interrupted with a firm "No," in response to his question. He rolled his eyes, then continued, "Isa. If I were to want to harm you, do you not think I would do so in a much more artistic manner than simple poison?"

Isa seemed to consider the question for a moment as intently as he had been considering the cracker in his hand. "I suppose you would. You never seem to be able to do anything without sufficient dramatics."

Isa's assessment was true enough that Tohri took no offense to it, simply nodding. "Then quit playing with your food. You're not so young that it's cute."

Sufficiently scolded, Isa finally ate the cracker, washing it down with a few sips of liquor as he watched Tohri finish off his drink and pour himself another. "You were correct," he said with some reluctance after a few more moments and half his glass, "It does become more tolerable as you drink more.”

A part of Tohri wanted to gloat, obviously he was right, but he kept his mouth shut for once, though he didn’t bother hiding his self satisfied smile beyond momentarily covering it when he took another sip from his glass.

The smile didn’t go unnoticed by Isa, but the alcohol was affecting him enough that he didn’t take offense to it. “The alcohol is certainly working as a vasodilator,” he muttered after a moment, before noting Tohri blinking at him with slight confusion at what he meant, and clarifying, “I’m… very warm.”

A laugh escaped Tohri before he managed to stifle it. “You can make yourself comfortable. I don't mind. I might change out of this funeral attire soon, myself."

Isa thought for a moment before finally moving at all, removing the ribbon tie from around his neck to loosen his shirt collar and unbuttoning his sleeve cuffs, struggling with the buttons on the left side, his right hand not being cooperative between the effects of the alcohol and his every day difficulties with it. He managed the task eventually, pushing up his sleeves.

Tohri frowned just slightly to himself as he watched Isa struggling, and the frown stayed as he caught sight of faded scars on Isa's right arm as the sleeve was pushed up, but he quickly realized he was on the edge of staring, and averted his eyes.

Even with the alcohol hitting him as heavily as it was beginning to, Isa caught Tohri looking and looking away. "Terrorist attack when I was young," he explained without prompting, though he didn't elaborate. 

After a brief moment of appropriate embarrassment at being caught staring, Tohri made a thoughtful noise. "Is that why you work for the Hawk Party?" 

Isa took a sip of his drink again, finishing off the glass as he mulled the question. In truth, he didn't harbor any particular personal ill will towards humans as a species, but the bombings did spawn the particular radical faction that had hired him. "I suppose it is," he settled on saying as he sat his glass down, not bothering to refill it again just yet. "Why do you?”

“The Doves don't exactly have a need for a great deal of optical weaponry, do they?" Tohri replied with a shrug. 

"Would you be working for them if they did?" Isa asked, more idly curious than anything else. 

"My sympathies lie with whoever best recognizes my brilliance," Tohri admitted simply, "The Hawks scooped me up before I’d even published doctoral thesis. There… weren’t any competing offers at the time. Or since.”

Isa nodded, accepting the answer and letting there be a companionable silence as he poured himself another half a glass of liquor and sipped it slowly. He allowed the gently fuzzy feeling of intoxication to wash over him, nearly shutting his eyes before a thought occurred to him and he forced them open, glancing at Tohri as he posed another question for him. “Why did you invite me out tonight?”

Tohri seemed to think for a moment, taking a long sip of his drink, finishing it off and looking down into the empty glass when he finally spoke. “...Sometimes, when Kawara would be gone for a few days, he’d ask me to check in on you. ‘Isa gets caught up in his research sometimes and forgets to eat, can you look in and see that he takes a break at some point?’ or ‘Just because Isa’s young enough to handle all-nighters doesn’t mean he should push himself so hard, try to remind him of that, would you?’ Things like that. As though he wasn’t guilty of going days without eating more than candy he kept in his desk, or that we didn’t see more of him than his wife ever did.” He huffed a bittersweet laugh at that and sat his glass aside before focusing his gaze on Isa and continuing, “I did look in on you for him sometimes, but you never looked particularly overworked or malnourished to the point that I felt the need to step in in his stead before he got back...”

“But I did today?” Isa interrupted as Tohri’s words trailed off, his confusion apparent.

“No, not really,” Tohri admitted, “It just seemed that… looking out for you… making sure you weren’t alone right now... would be a good way to honor him.”

“Oh,” was the only thing Isa could manage, no other words coming to him, and even if they had, he didn’t think he would be able to get them out with how tight his throat had become. His eyes were wide and unfocused, the way they’d gone when Tohri had confronted him earlier and he had to admit he didn’t know what to do now that his mentor was dead, as though they should have been shining with tears, and perhaps they were, but crying was another thing no one had taught Isa yet.

Tohri watched with concern and reached out slowly to attempt to be of comfort. “Isa…” he murmured, trying to not startle him, knowing full well that Isa wasn’t taking in anything going on around him at the moment, but Isa recoiled almost violently from the touch once Tohri’s hand made contact with his arm anyway. “I think I’m going to change out of this suit…” he said as he pulled back and stood, still watching Isa carefully in case he decided to seek comfort on his own terms or anything like that. After another moment with no further reaction either way from him, he walked away, adding, “I’ll just be in the other room...” before shutting the bedroom door behind himself.

Isa didn’t respond to any of Tohri's words, just trying to sort out the thoughts that were swirling around in his head. His parents had died all those years ago, there had been an accident that claimed the life of a student he had classes with in university, he was not completely unfamiliar with death, but this was the first time it felt like a loss. Doctor Kawara had cared for him, more than anyone else ever had, and now he was gone. Isa felt cold and empty, but not in the gently detached way he often had before. This time it hurt, like the spaces inside him that had been filled with the doctor's presence, casual touches and future plans, late nights of questionably ethical experiments and the guarantee of a souvenirs and a desk full of foreign candy after a trip, the gentle, confusing warmth those things inspired in him, all of it was suddenly a void, a vacuum that was trying to suck in everything surrounding it without heed to the damage it was causing. He knocked back the last of his drink, as if that would fill the hole inside him, and when it didn't, he attempted to pour himself another. He picked up the bottle with the wrong hand, gripping his glass in his left and not thinking to set it down, and only managed to shakily spill a few splashes before it slipped from his grip, landing on the couch softly and rolling onto the floor.

A moment later, Tohri returned to the main room, having changed into red silken pajamas and removed his makeup for the evening. If Isa was going to have a breakdown or something in his living room, Tohri supposed that he could let himself be seen without his make up. He was going to say something to that effect as he rejoined Isa on the couch when he noticed the spill, the bottle having been nearing empty anyway, and Isa staring at it as if he didn't know what to do about it. He picked up the bottle and slipped into the kitchen briefly, getting a towel to clean the spill. Without a word, he blotted up the mess, then set the towel aside, gingerly taking the glass still in Isa's hand and pouring out small amount of liquor in it into his own empty glass before refilling it with water. "I think you should have this instead," he said softly, offering the glass to Isa again.

There was still no verbal response from Isa, he barely even seemed to glance at Tohri, but he did take the glass back, gripping it with both hands and taking a small sip.

Tohri counted that as a victory and resettled on the couch next to him, finishing off the last swallow of liquor for the evening and not even trying to hide that he was watching Isa, waiting for him to say or do anything but silently sip water.

Eventually, Isa did manage to speak as Tohri crossed his sight line when decided to get himself some water, the color flashing in his vision pulling him out of the painful nothing that had taken over his thoughts for the moment. "Your pajamas… they're very bright."

The bluntness of the statement, combined with Tohri's relief that Isa was actually responding to something, caused him to laugh, nearly spilling water as he did. "Most things I wear are."

"I assumed," Isa admitted, words still coming with some difficulty, but more easily than when he broke the silence, "It seemed characteristic of you, but I often can't tell."

"You can't tell?" Tohri questioned.

Isa shook his head. "Everything is gray for me. Except red."

"Oh," Tohri said, surprised and more than a little sad, "To think… you miss out on so much…"

Tohri’s forlorn made Isa frown. "It doesn't greatly affect my life or my work.”

"Well, not in a practical way, maybe. But… there's so much beauty you can’t see,” Tohri protested, his tone still pitying. 

“I can still see beauty,” Isa insisted with a slight huff, before going quiet, looking down into his water and half wishing it was more alcohol that could quiet his mind, though he realized from the way the thoughts he could manage were swirling in his head that even if he had more it wouldn’t have the effect he wished and it was a good idea for him to not be drinking anymore tonight. “Doctor Kawara’s eyes were red,” he continued after a moment.

“They were,” Tohri agreed, obviously somewhat confused by Isa’s seeming non-sequitur, until a realization hit him and his eyes went wide. He saw the way Isa would follow Doctor Kawara around the lab like a lost puppy and put up with far more nonsense from him than anyone else, but that was fairly easily brushed off as reverence for his brilliant research. Comments about the beauty of his eyes, less so.

Isa hadn’t entirely known what he meant himself as he was speaking, but upon seeing Tohri’s reaction, he had a realization of his own. Kawara’s eyes had been beautiful. Everything about him had been beautiful to Isa, and finally he understood what the warm feelings the doctor’s presence filled him with were. He blushed slightly in embarrassment at his admission, looking away.

“You loved him, did you not?” Tohri asked, without a hint of pity in his voice now, although he felt even more of a sadness for Isa than he had before.

There was a long silence, long enough that Tohri wondered if he’d lost Isa in his thoughts again, and Isa wasn’t sure he hadn’t, but eventually he spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “Yes.”

Tohri only nodded in response. There wasn’t much he could say to that. Losing a colleague, a mentor, someone one respected and admired was one thing, but losing someone one loved? He didn’t know how to be of comfort, not to Isa. After a few more moments of silence, Tohri stood again. “It’s been a long day,” he said, brushing his long hair out of his face as he turned to Isa, “You should get some sleep. I’ll get some blankets and an extra pillow and you can take the couch.”

Isa wanted to protest, but as he attempted to stand, he very quickly realized that staying the night was a good idea. Even if his balance hadn’t been as poor as it was, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone with his thoughts tonight. “Thank you,” he murmured, settling back down.

The couch was turned into a makeshift bed for the night, and Tohri excused himself to the bedroom, leaving the door opened slightly, but otherwise leaving Isa alone to reconcile a world missing a person he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually supposed to be shippy, but it never quite got there organically. Also, I have been out of this fandom for a very long time.


End file.
